Go to town!
Pompadour. (Taken with instagram)
Oh man, UPS box came today and I just swagged all over my pants!
What was once a word used to describe stolen goods, has now become a term to describe blowjobs, cock sucking, facials, bukakke parties, and anything else thay has to do with semen on guys faces. It can also be used as a way to point out false idols. But before this word becomes completely lost in translation - thanks to the self-absorbed, upper-class fucks who purposely live like hobos to quickly gain some street-cred in less time it took for them to turn out from their wigger phase/jock status lives, to the café loitering, shit-hop “hip-hop” of today listening, menswear toting bro-mos they are today.
As I’ve said, swagger was once used to describe stolen goods. Now, when you actually use this word in it’s proper context, you’ll learn that a lot of guys who apparently have “swag” today, are actually polar opposites… Yes, there was a time when swagger was used to describe a fellows attire. Not because he had cool, expensive shit from J.Crew or whatever Japanese designers whole clothing line. No, that wasn’t how you had swagger. But because he simply had STOLEN GOODS.
“STOLEN GOODS? MY, WHAT DO YOU MEAN STOLEN GOODS!”
Mother fucker, exactly that!
A fellow would head to his “spot” where they would magically get the latest gear in, weeks to months before it’s actually street date release. Pay the premium and you were rocking the latest shit, way before the rest. You would actually rock that shit so hard, that by the time it actually released at retail, it became out of style, and the dudes who JUST got the clothes were late and were looked at as trendhoppers.
Yeah bitch, that’s what it fuckin was.
“SWAG SWAG SWAG,” shut the fuck up. The only time I’ll ever purposely say “SWAG SWAG SWAG” is when I’m face-fucking you, and each time my nuts in your chin I’ll say “SWAG.”
The word has been lost in translation and will never go back to it’s roots. Everytime you hear the word “swag” or use it, it’s like someone cumming all over your damn face. And dudes standing in circles chanting “swag swag swag?” It’s a damn circlejerk. You fucks might as well be playing wet cracker. Chances are, you’ll all be dying to eat that cracker!
So remember, whenever you see a guy at The GAP looking for some of that menswear “swag,” remember that he’s probably the catcher of the group. And tread carefully, as you too, can fall victim to the swag epidemic, and be covered in semen. Fuckin. Semen.
Swaggin’ all over your face.
Creeping Up On Creepers: Fashion in Full-Circle Edition.
As we all know, fashion revolves in full-circle. If it’s been worn in the last few centuries, it’s still being worn today. While many of those looks are timeless and always a treat to see; Ivy League Prep, rockabilly, or even the not so distant fashion trends of the 90s. But sometimes, some of these trends need to stay in their respective time periods…
Amongst the urban youth of America, the whole hip-hop street look never truly goes away. Fade out slightly, yes, but it never truly leaves this world. I guess when they “stay true to the hood,” they do exactly that! Unfortunately for the most part, they have no idea why they dress this way, the original connotations of the look, or have any legitimate reason as to WHY they are “so hood.” But, with certain looks, you blatantly know what and more so, WHO they’re emulating.
This fine chap, happened to sport (pun intended) a 49ers jersey, since they played today, an Atlanta Braves hat, with some ADIDAS. Though his Reebok jersey didn’t match his ADIDAS shoes, it didn’t matter to him. Because you see ladies and gentlemen, the main focal point of the look, was in the pant legs…
One pant leg rolled up, one pant leg rolled down. Well, I shouldn’t say “rolled,” since they were held up with rubberbands. Rubberband Man? Does he keep his rubberband bank on his pant legs?
This look was highly emulated when LL Cool J wore the hell out of it. The difference being, that was over a decade ago. And he’s not LL Cool J. Not saying that it would be ok with LL Cool J still sporting this look, because I don’t see him locking up his non-drive sided fixie up, but because well… When you rock specifically another mans look, you’re doing something called “swaggerjacking,” IE, taking a someone else’s cum-shot. That cum-shot wasn’t meant for you, buddy! There was someone in line before you!
Oh well, I have no idea what I’m talking about now. We’ll save “swaggerjacking” for another day.
But for now, I’m gonna set up a rubberband bank account up on my legs, and start doin’ it and doin’ it. And doin’ it well.
Whenever someone describes a person using the term SWAG, it’s like their dragging said persons dick across the inside of their cheek.
Creeping Up On Creepers: Asian Drivers Edition.
Ok, we all know this whole stereotype about Asian Drivers, many folks take offense to it and blah blah blah. But guess what, fucker, it really doesn’t help when your relatives match the stereotype! When certain people match the stereotype, it changes from stereotype to known fact. Trust me, I’ve dealt with shitty drivers of all size and colors, but I constantly have to deal with Asians driving the way many Asians drive; like shit.
For whatever reason, people feel that they are entitled to stop in the middle of the lane, with traffic behind them, just to say hi to their friend getting into their car. Or even to run out of their car, to drop something off into a mailbox. Or the ever so frustratingly frequent thing us good drivers deal with - throwing the car in park on a very narrow street. But, only the Asian driver would do what’s pictured.
Asians are respectful by nature, so this guy wasn’t going to illegally pull into a handicap parking spot without the proper placards. Even though he was driving around his less-than-mobile 80 year old parents, he didn’t illegally park in the spot, so his dad could waddle out and grab a newspaper. Instead, he decided to block said vacant handicap spot, while boxing in a ready to leave legally-handicap parked car, as well as yours truly.
Now, I wasn’t in a rush, since the lady was still getting us coffee. But the elder man who was ready to leave, just stood next to their car, watching them. You’d think, like a certain episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, you’d get an apologetic nod or BOW, or even the slightest notion of one… Nope. Driver just looked at his possibly distant grandfather in the face, nearly scratched my rear bumper, and left. All in the nick-of-time, since my lady was coming out with my coffee. Had he not been remotely ready to leave, you can best bet I would’ve gotten Godzilla on his ass.
Well folks, there you have our latest and well overdue installment of Creeping Up On Creepers. Until the next time, folks. When you’re people match the stereotype, you can bet your swag money that I’ll be there, creeping up on em!
Warren G - Regulate (Your Erection.)
This is what dreams are made of… <3 Nigella
Menswear: Old Peoples Clothes But Skinny.